Sharing Our Big Hearts

Sharing Our Big Hearts

I have been away from some of my close girlfriends since I moved to Annapolis. I have been thinking more than ever—how do we become friends, and what makes us stick together when we seem totally different? Reflections of this sort have a meaning for us as church friends as well. Are we only attracted to those who think like us—who are interested in our particular brand of theology or who like the exact same things? We say we are pluralistic—but are we? How accepting are we really of one another and how deep does our loyalty to friends and church community go? How can we share our big hearts?

I walked down to Annapolis harbor several weeks ago. I was in the mood for a reflective walk by the water. On the way, I noticed a number of mallard ducks—the usual wharf residents. Upon closer examination, I saw a lone water bird that I recognized from my time in Hawaii. The coot is a beautiful black bird with a big white beak. It sticks its neck out when it swims and lurches forward. It is an incredible diver—diving deep down in the water and coming up in a spot far from where it started. I wondered where were the others coots? Why is this bird hanging around with the mallards? Why do the mallards seem so accepting of this lone bird? I began to free associate and I remembered the story of the Ugly Duckling with a different twist. What if the ugly duckling had been accepted like this coot or at least was not teased mercilessly for all of his differences? What if human beings could be as gracious or more so?

The Tuesday video/discussion group has been watching a video documentary on the life of Darwin and his theories on evolution. I wondered if these ideas are impossible for us human beings, given evolution and our compelling need to survive. Or might we be more likely to survive as human beings if we opened our hearts and our minds to those who are so unlike us?

The original inspiration for this sermon came from my separation from my female friends but this morning I am going to talk about historical men who were close friends. I mentioned Theophilus Lindsey and Joseph Priestley in my first sermon here at UUCA. I want to tell you more about their friendship this morning so that we can understand how two very different people could maintain a long lasting friendship. Lindsey and Priestley are often described as “polar opposites”. Lindsey came from a wealthy family while Priestley’s origins were working class. Lindsey was ten years older. Priestley won scientific awards for discovering oxygen and carbonated gas, which led to our fizzy soda pop. Lindsey was an Anglican minister who wanted to retain the Anglican form of worship though he was thoroughly Unitarian in his beliefs. Both Priestley and Lindsey suffered for their beliefs and the stands that they took. They supported one another through all the persecution and ridicule they both received.

Perhaps, Priestley and Lindsey’s friendship endured precisely because of their different natures. Priestley was a scientist and an intellectual while Lindsey was a man of the heart—devoted to the Anglican form of worship and caring for the poor and the oppressed. Each man acted out of one predominant inclination—that of head or heart. They had very different temperaments, motivations and inclinations. Aren’t our lives and our church filled with men and women with similar dispositions and differences? Can head and heart meet here today?

John Haynes Holmes was another Unitarian minister in the twentieth century who served Community Church of New York, the same church where our minister did his internship. Holmes formed a remarkable friendship with Rabbi Stephen Wise, who started the Free Synagogue in New York. Their friendship lasted for forty- two years and their story is told in an excellent book that I recommend to you, Rabbi and Minister. Rabbi Wise and Rev. Holmes were at the forefront of social justice issues in New York, the country and the world. They founded the NAACP, the American Civil Liberties Union, worked for women’s suffrage, the labor movement, Civil Rights, and opposed anti-semitism. Holmes brought Gandhi’s message to the United States. Yet these two friends butted heads about certain issues. Wise supported the war while Holmes remained a pacifist. They disagreed about their respective faiths and yet their biographer, Carl Voss states “However they might vary in their views on public affairs, their goal was always the same: to attack injustice wherever they saw it, to champion freedom, equality, and justice in every form.”

All four men worked for peace and justice. They loved one another. They loved their God. They loved humankind. They worked their way into my heart for many reasons. Today, their stories inspire our ability to transcend the petty differences between us. A scientist and a devoted Anglican built a friendship that was so strong Priestley would say their friendship was the most significant relationship in his life. I am moved by their love for one another. When I reflect on a rabbi and a Unitarian Christian sharing 42 years together through two World Wars, the Holocaust, and McCarthyism where they were both branded as Communists, I am moved by their love for one another.

Ultimately, we come to our churches to share in fellowship with one another and to know that we are not alone—at least not all of the time! Covenant groups are springing up in our churches as people acknowledge that they have a need to know one another and share with others on a deeper level. Our lives are full of e-mail messages, cell phones, fax messages and Internet chats. We may communicate more frequently, but we often lose depth and we are so hungry for it.

For this Valentine’s Day sermon, I will share one personal story about one of my friendships. Pat was a nurse and I was a social worker at a psychiatric hospital. We started the first sexual assault support groups in our area. Our styles of group facilitation were very different. Our supervisor suggested we commit ourselves to a professional marriage. So, we did art, music and movement therapy together. We learned to accept one another and appreciate each other. This process translated into understanding and love that has lasted over 18 years. When I looked for a church, I talked to Pat about her Unitarian Universalist Church because I respected her professionally and as a friend. Her love and dedication to the church inspired me. I found Unitarian Universalism, in part, because Pat shared her big heart with me. Many other people touched my life, transformed it and generated change in me. Isn’t that true for all of us? We are composites of all the people who have touched our lives.

It doesn’t really matter if we are Democrat or Republican, does it? Big hearts come in humanist, pagan, Christian and many other kind of packages. But hearts and minds do have to meet like Lindsey and Priestley, like Holmes and Wise. We need to know one another’s passions—what moves and shapes us. We need to make room for more views—not less. And when we get over weak knees and sweating palms because we are divergent, we will learn how much we can love one another. I believe, when we come to die, our pluralism will sustain us and we will remember the dear faces and actions of all our friends. I pray that the spirit of friendship residing in Priestley, Lindsey, Holmes and Wise will live on in us and that we will cherish our differences and embrace one another always.

May it be so.

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